oh my god i’m at the grocery store and there is a guy in the frozen section who is tweaked off his balls on some kind hallucinatory drug.
i’m in the next isle meowing softly through the cereal boxes where he can’t see me and he is losing his shit pulling pizza boxes out of the freezers and yelling that he needs to save the popsicle cat
am i a bad person
(via exquisite-mockingjay)
Source: mjolkk
Today my mom wasn’t home, so my eight year old sister asked me to set some words for her so she could write her daily sentences. I knew she did them every day, but I’ve never bothered to read them before.
My sister is a lot of things. She’s extremely smart, fairly quiet, and absolutely hilarious. But today I learned two new things about her:
a) my sister does not have a way with the written word
b) my sister is addicted to crack cocaine
I don’t know what the fuck she’s smoking but I want in on it sweet baby jesus I did not know what to do with myself while I was reading some of these
what is wrong with her
I don’t even understand what some of these mean
(things you should know: I am natalie, and her “silkys” are two little silk & velveteen blankets she’s slept with since she was born.)
(via catherinenevernoticed)
Source: higgitusfiggitus![[Aubrey] Plaza says her dream is to do a real middle-of-the-road romantic comedy, specifically one with Ryan Gosling, who once approached her in a juice bar to tell her he loves Parks and Recreation. “I’d work in a flower shop and be insecure. And he’d work in real estate—sorry, I’m pitching a movie to you.” She’s not sorry. She keeps pitching. “And there’s always cupcake batter on my face, and I’m like, ‘I just made these cupcakes, but I don’t know how I feel!’ And he’s like, ‘Let me get that cupcake batter off your face … with my dick.’” She’s cracking up. “Cut to me giving him a hand job. Sorry, I’ve had too much caffeine.” (x)](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4fttsTT2z1qa5ff2o1_r1_500.png)
[Aubrey] Plaza says her dream is to do a real middle-of-the-road romantic comedy, specifically one with Ryan Gosling, who once approached her in a juice bar to tell her he loves Parks and Recreation. “I’d work in a flower shop and be insecure. And he’d work in real estate—sorry, I’m pitching a movie to you.” She’s not sorry. She keeps pitching. “And there’s always cupcake batter on my face, and I’m like, ‘I just made these cupcakes, but I don’t know how I feel!’ And he’s like, ‘Let me get that cupcake batter off your face … with my dick.’” She’s cracking up. “Cut to me giving him a hand job. Sorry, I’ve had too much caffeine.” (x)
(via touchmybuttplz)
Source: rufustfirefly
Slinky is trying so hard
this video’s too fucking long for how stressful it is
(via catherinenevernoticed)
Source: videohall
